Saturday, October 31, 2009

25 days has gone..


It has been 25 days since my sister has passed away..

n it still feels like yesterday that i've met to her..laugh and share secrets..

Sometimes i still can't accept that she has gone a better place..InsyaAllah..

Yesterday, me and my friends went out to eat at a food court in Perda. it reminds me of going out with her, gone eating together where she used to treats me Pizza Hut, Kenny Rogers, nasi campur..which ever i want to eat..she will always fulfill my appetite.

Reminds me whenever like to eat something special...i smile, grin.."Kaklong..ehehe..nak makan mcD leh?..long blanjer ek..ehehe"..then she always sigh..but still say "Yelah..kaklong blanjer"..even sometimes she don't have enough money..she always find a way to keep me happy n help me whenever i needed. She is my motivations..

There are many secrets i've told her..and same with her..many secrets that she had told me. Let me keep it a secret. Whenever i come back from IPTB or from MMU (studied there), sometimes i slept with her..share stories with her..whenever i go back..i always going out with her..balik jumaat mlm sampai umah...sabtu kuar dari pagi sampai malam..until my father complaint "baik x yah balik, serupa mcm x balik jer.." She is my only friend, partner, my girlfriend. Everything have been thought and planned wif her it has to be change. How am i going to adapt to this situations?..

She is also my legs..i'm lost without her..i just don't know how to drive in KL..the all seems so lost without her. I've seldom drive in KL since after finished study..keje pon abah hantar..then moved to there for almost 1 year (tahu jln N9 jer..)..then here in Penang..then in Bukit Merah..when i was able to ronda2 KL by driving?...huhuhu..

She was the one who knows all the roads, the shops, and how to get to a place in KL..she remember almost the roads there..since she stayed in KL too long..ehehe..she studied near KL..(im in Malacca)..

Sofiahwati Mohamed lovely sister..

I love you, miss you, and i will always pray for every solat that i did..i will never forget your name..i just want you to be blessed, and do wait for all of us to be reunite again...when the time has come.

I really love you..still i remember all your words..and moreover we have almost similar voice...

Kaklong, there are so many things that we wish to do together, but now left only me to fulfill all your wishes..And i will try my best to fulfill it as it will be my wishes now.

Bila fikir balik..there are so many things that shows that she will leave us..So many signs..

Let me tell one of the signs..

Last year, on month of december..when she bought me this lappy..she already told me that this will be my last birthday presents from her..and although it wasn't really meant that way by her..but we never know..that coincidence sometimes can be a reality..when i remember makes me cry..again..

Then there was a time we both cried thinking of our future, when she was still under treatments in SJMC..she told me how hard to get her strength to fight her sickness..she told me it is so hard and sometimes she not able to hold it anymore. I always asked her to keep her strength, remember us, remember Allah SWT..we love you..we still need you..don't just give up..we just don't care even we have to take care you for our whole life..we just want you to survive. But Allah SWT love her more...don' want her to suffer. At least i'm happy she died with mom and dad by her side..di pangkuan abah. I know my parents still hard to believe that she's gone..same with me..her stuff still in the same place. My mom gives some of her belongings to me and Kak Ita, my aunts.

Hmm..can't write about her makes me cry..but i just can't cry here..have to control strong Arfah!! week dah nak exam..then nak KISSM plaks..

Supposedly..bln 12 and my sister dah planned to buy things for my wedding later on...but now with who am i going to buy all the things?..friends?..they also have some other plans..surely they just can't accompany me each time i want to buy's old already..she can't walk too cousins? cousins are far in kampung..yg dekat2 sumer sekolah2 rendah lost..x pa lah..i just do what i can..

okeh laa..keep salahkan diri sendiri je la..selama nih x berdikari..always thinking that my sis will be there for me each time i need her..always thinks that people died when they get old..never thought that they can easily gone even we are not ready..

Same with my childhood friend...Noradila bt Mohd Zawawi..died in car crash..she still so young..same age as me..26

Still remember her talks..she is so talkative, helpful..she always borrow my comic books..and said that, if i don't want it anymore, give it to her. Ahaha...still remember when she go to school with 'kunyit' on her face. We asked what is that for?..her answered it is for pimples..ehehe..naper laa x pakai kat umah jer..y pakai kat sekolah..ehehe..she is so funny, helpful, happy, talkative, a good friends,,and always remember to send us kad raya each year, invite us to her open house..even she have moved to Kajang..she still keep in touch with us..we will remember you dearly Dila..

Remember our group..

Izza, Shay, Sarah, Arfah, Dila, Zainina, Baizura...

Hmm...miss all of u guys..can we see each other?


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hari Penutupan GERKO


Hari nih aku masih d IPTB lagik..ada hari penutupan GERKO utk tahun nih..
kelas kami kne setup dewan..ehehe..jadi ktorng pon dok berlepak2 d dewan tuh sambil mengemas ler...

nih ada pict2 yang bleh d lihat..ehehe..sempat posing2 dah x leh masuk dewan dok tangkap2 gamba dah..ehehe..ada chance..amek laa

nih kami la nih..ehehe..posing2 gitu..

Pastu..pagi still g masuk dewan..wat tagging sumer...sempat gaks amek pictures..eheh

 depan hormat..ehehe

Nnt aku upload lagik pictures..ehehe
Seronok kat dlm dewan..kami pengakap..asal ada jer ahli yg naik..per lagik.."Tepuk Tepuk Tepuk Pengakap!!"

Minggu nih x balik KL sbb mak ngan abah g umah Bejam kat Kuantan..jaga cucu plaks..sbb Bejam ngan Kak Ita ada jagalah cucunya..Aqeef..ehehe..

Hmm..doakan Kaklong slalu...
Miss her so much...


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

In Loving memory.....


Will treasure this pic..
She will always remebered as a good daughter, us..

In loving memory...
Sofiahwati Mohamed Yusop..
15 Julai 1977 - 7 Oktober 2009


Saturday, October 10, 2009

(Part 3) Innalillah utk Sofiahwati Mohamed Yusop...we will miss u every seconds..


sambung lagi...

Aku pon sampai di rumah dengan selamatnya...

aku masuk terus dalam..nampak akk aku terbujur kaku...dah berselimut..bertutup..berkain batik lepas...n my mum dok depan dia...

Aku cuba tahan nangis..tahan..jgn keluar air mata...jangan..not in front of her..

Aku salam mak..n tanya mak..
" Betul ker? doktor dah check dah?..betul ker? " I was hoping that tbe2 akk aku sedar..dia tidur jer sebelum nih...

" Betul..doktor dah sahkan tadi...dah x da nadi.." jwb mak aku sedih..
" Tp tuh nampak mcm tidur jer..ntah2 kaklong pengsan jer kot..." wpon aku tahu itu x mungkin berlaku..but i still in shock...

"Nomi nak tengok kaklong?.."
" X pe ker?...boleh?"
"Boleh..kaklong belum lagi mandi tu.." kata mak sambil membuka selendang yg tutup muka kaklong....

Bila mak buka..aku try tahan nangis.."mak..boleh nomi cium kaklong x?"

N i kissed her forehead...she looks like she's sleeping..
her eyes not fully closed..and still i was hoping that she speaks..or breath...
but kita kene terima jugak..qada dan qadar...just im so sad...naper cepat sangat..kaklong...u r so young..

Then..aku baca yassin...while baca yassin..aku mengalirkan air mata..cuma x teresak2 la..
While baca..abang aku sampai...then abg aku duduk sebelah aku...dia pun baca yassin...

After a bf col me...said that he arrived..i just said 'ok'..don't bother bout him now...

Then..pas jer azan asar kedengaran...van jenazah dah datang nak bwk kaklong ke surau...nak mandikan dan solatkan...

I followed them..i want to be with her until she is buried...

Sementara tunggu org solat asar kat surau..aku ternampak abah aku..
then time tuh dah x leh nak tahan lagi dah...
terus aku peluk abah aku..menangis...
"Abah...kaklong...dah x da...abah...nomi x sempat jumpa..."
"Dah2..jgn menangis sayang....kita doakan kaklong k...dah..jgn nangis k..Allah sayangkan dia.."
Then..abah aku melepaskan pelukan sebab keranda kaklong dah nak bawak keluar dr van...
Aku masih lagi menangis...pastu aku d peluk oleh makcik aku...Ateh..

"Dah..jangan memngis dah..kita dokan kaklong k..."
"Nomi sedih..nomi x dpt cakap ngan kaklong...malam tuh dah col dah..mak kata kaklong tido..kalo nomi tau..nomi suruh mak kejut jugak..x sempat jumpa kaklong.." kata aku sambil menangis dlm pelukan makcik aku..

"Ateh pon x dpt jumpa gak..ateh pon sedih gak..dah2..x elok nangis..kesian kaklong...kita bukan tahu..doa jer..." pujuk makcik aku..

aku mengangguk..aku kesat air mata aku...then..aku pon ikut masuk dlm tmpt mandi jenazah..aku nak mandikan akk aku..aku nak terlibat semuanya..aku sayang akk aku..
tu jelah akak yang aku ada..sekarang aku dah x da akak...kaklong...i miss u so much...

Then situ aku tolong makcik2 tuh mandikan kaklong...bersihkan kaklong buat kali terakhir..
cuci kuku dia..basuh rambut dia..sabun badan dia...she really look like sleeping...n bila kene air kat muka..still i was hoping that dia sedar...n i know..i shouldnt think bout that...

Pastu...aku tolong kapankan akk aku...balut badan dia ngan kapas..ngan kain kapan...makcik tuh letak serbuk kayu cendana ngan minyak wangi...then waris sumer boleh melihat dia kali terakhir sebelum di solatkan...

Aku org pertama cium dahi kaklong...since aku ada kat situ...

Pastu..mak..abah..bejam..kak ita..kawan kaklong..mak sedara dia...
masa pas kak ita cium..aku nampak kat mata kaklong ada air...
Aku assume kaklong sedih...dia nak meniggalkan kami semua sebab aku tgk x da antara kami yang mengalirkan air mata..sebab akan menyeksakan mayat nnt...

Then..kaklong dibawa utk solat jenazah...
Pastu di bawa ke tanah perkuburan...dekat jer tepi jalan..senang nak g...x susah nak cari..senang nak ziarah...Alhamdulillah...

Aku lihat bagaimana akk aku di tanam..di kambus..n tbe2 hati aku sebak melihat mak ngan abah...

sedihnya kita bila melihat anak sendiri di tanam...sedangkan kita masih lagi hidup...
betapa sayu hati seorang ibu dan ayah..anak yang di sayangi...pergi dulu sebelum diri ini..

sedangkan aku pun dah sedih melihat kaklong..inikan pula mak..yg melahirkan...abah yang memanjakan..(kaklong memang manja dengan abah..ank kesayangan abah)

Pas talkin..baca yassin sumer..kami pun bergerak..aku x sampai hati nak bergerak...
sebab aku tahu..selepas 7 langkah org terakhir meninggalkan kubur tersebut...malikat2 akan terus bertanya..
aku x sampai hati...x sanggup...aku static kat situ sambil kene panggil turun...

Malam tuh...kami buat tahlil utk arwah kaklong...

dalam kol 11 lebih..selesai semuanya...
kami berempat sekeluarga..(dulu berlima...) duduk sambil berbual2...
aku sempat bergurau...
"Abah..mlm nih mesti kaklong ada kat depan tuh...dia dtg lihat kita kan...nak tunggu lah.."
abah senyum jer...

Mak ngan abah cerita waktu kaklong nazak..mcm ner..

Masa tuh mak kta dia sihat jer...dalam kol 10 pg macm tuh..ayah sedara aku melawat akk aku..(Ayah cu ngan mak cu)...siap lambai2 lagi nak balik...

pastu..pas jer derang turun..
Akak aku kata kat abah..maafkan dia..kata kat mak...maafkan dia..
mintak maaf kat ijam dan nomi..
kaklong nak pegi jalan...

"Mak..kaklong nak pegi jalan.."
"Kaklong nak pegi mana?..dah sihat nnt kita g jalan2 k.."
"Kaklong nak jalan jauh..tapi jalan tuh nampak senang yer mak..."
"isk..kaklong..mengucap..baca 3 qul.."
Then mak aku ajar dia baca 3 qul..mengucap..ngan al-fatihah...
akak aku folo..wpon dah x baper clear..mak aku cerita..

then..akk aku kata dia semput..sesak nafas..mak aku dah panggil nurse dah...
dlm kol 10.30 mcm tuh...doktor datang...
doktor kata dah x lama nih makcik..then derang try laa..

Pastu..around kol 11.05..nadi dia stop..n disahkan meninggal...
mak aku kata cepat sngt...
x da nadi dia makin perlahan..nadi dia terus drop..0..

aku hanya mendengar ngan abang aku..aku tahu..bejam pon mesti giler sedih...
Abah aku kata dia terkejut tgk aku balik sorang..sbb dia pesan kat abg aku g amek aku...
(mana pernah abah aku bagi aku drive jauh sorang2..pling tidak mesti ada escort..)

Pastu sampai awal plaks...aku kata lah aku pecut...
"Kalo nomi sayangkan mak ngan abah lagi..jgn laa buat mcm tuh lagi tau..korang jerlah yg tinggal..."

aku diam..angguk jer...

Esoknyer pagi2 kol 8 aku balik ke maktab...aku bawak slow..80 km/hr jer...ahaha..5 jam drive..
giler kematu punggung..ahaha

Hmm...miss my sister so much...
Wlaupun aku dah kurang voice still serak..
kadang2 aku masih menangis..
cuma aku cuba kuat depan kawan2 sumer..

gelak2..padahal..hati aku langsung not here..i dont want to be here..i want to be alone...
but i know i must recover..
yg pergi..tetap pergi..
kita yg hidup perlu teruskan hidup..

apapun..aku hanya boleh berdoa agar akk aku ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 beriman...


[1] Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang Memelihara dan Mentadbirkan sekalian alam.
Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[4] Yang Menguasai pemerintahan hari Pembalasan (hari akhirat).
Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami sembah dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan.
Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus.
[7] Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau telah kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) orang-orang yang Engkau telah murkai dan bukan pula (jalan) orang-orang yang sesat.


(Part 2) Innalillah utk Sofiahwati Mohamed Yusop...we will miss u every seconds..


sambung balik cerita...

Aku pon g laa terus turun kat HEP..nak mintak pengecualian kuliah..for hari nih n tomorrow..

akk kerani tuh very supportive..aku..dah menggelabah dah actually...aku dah x tau nak fikir apa...

Aku ternampak ustaz Basil kat situ..aku kata lah..
" nak mintak pengecualian kelas hari nih. Saya kene balik ke KL sekarang jugak..kakak saya tgh nazak.."
Then ustaz tuh pon kata lah..ambil la borang tuh..kat depan..
Aku pon g laa kat kaunter depan tuh..n disitu aku x leh tahan..aku dah teresak2 dah nangis..
nak tulis borang pon tangan menggeletar..dalam hati hanya Allah swt jer tahu betapa aku nak suruh akak aku bertahan...jangan pergi dulu...

Then dia kata amek sign tutor ngan sign pengarah..pastu tinggal jer borang tuh kat situ..

Aku pon g lah english dept..tujuan aku nak carik Mr.Kamal..our dia x da..yg ada hanya lect pon mintak laa sign MR.Puven..

And as i can say..he is really concern and understanding..he even help me to write the reason in a proper way..coz aku pon dah blur nak tulis apa..and he carefull balik tuh...jangan drive laju2..

After saying thanks to him..i rushed to bilik 2-2 pon x da..pengarah n timbalan pengarah..

aku tunjuk laa kat Akk. x tau nama (PA pengarah)....boleh x aku tinggalkan surat tuh kat sini...aku kata pengecualian aku hari ni..n pada hari tuh..aku sngt nak memarahi sungguh dept IPTB nih..really!!!

Aku tau aku x hr tuh aku dah ter'curse' derang..ahahaha...yer aa...ngan akk PA tuh..dia kata kalo nak hari nih penegcualian..kene dptkan sign sekarang jugak..Timbalan pun tgh g minum..

"Boleh x saya tunggu sini.." Aku masih senyum lagik time tuh..
tp dengan muka kerek dia..."Eh, timbalan tuh minum x tau balik bila..lepas dia balik la awk dtg balik"

"Tp saya emergency nih..saya kene balik sekarang jugak..x boleh ker saya tinggal jer surat nih kat sini..nnt saya balik, saya ambil balik.."

"Eh, apa pulak..awak gi try tanya HEP mcm ner.."

Aku pun tension..aku pon g balik HEP..tanya mcm ner nak sign tuh..then Ustz.Basil tgk laa surat aku tuh..

and to my shock..he said something that really2 nak buat aku tumbuk dia..

"Awak tahu x..sebagai pelajar..awak patutnya x leh dapat cuti. belaja lagi penting dr tgk org sakit nih. Nie saya bg pon sebab ehsan jer. (and adalah lg ayat2 hadis dia sabilillah laa..)" sister is dying..n ko nak ckp ngan aku psl benda nih semua..cerah kat aku psl belaja laa..aku dah laa nak balik nih..ko lagging2 kan aku..ko tuh dah laa ustaz..cuba famili ko yg mati???...ko mesti nak balik gaks kan?? Im so mad at that moments but as i respected him more..(but now x respect langsung dah..)..aku hanya diam jer..

Then dia kata g jer anta kat PA pengarah tuh..tinggal sy nak awak bg bukti bahawa apa awk ckp nih betul...n dia nak aku esok2 pagi dah ada kat maktab...meaning aku hanya dpt pengecualian pada hari rabu tuh jer..(WTH???)

Aku angguk2 rushing...aku terus anta jer kat PA tuh.."HEP suruh tinggal jer borang tuh kat sini..terima kasih kak"

aku pon blah terus...x pandang akk kerek tuh langsung..n aku teurs naik ke kelas..nak amek beg.

And in class..Mr. Raja dah ada dalam tuh...i was at my phone at that moment..and trus aku g arah dia n cakap "Sir..i need to get back to KL rite sister is dying"..
And he stunned..and ask.."How r u going back?"

"Im driving sir.."
"Do you think that is the fastest way to get back?"
"Then?..what do u think sir? By Air Asia?.." me smiling..still joking at that moments..but really my head wasnt thinking at all..
" carefully..dont let ur emotions overcome u.."
"Oke sir. Bye all"

Then aku terus balik ke rumah...unlocked the house..take some things..and starts the engine..
leaves the house key to our neighbour..
and call my bf..
"Sayang..kaklong dah nak balik KL nih.."
"Ha?..oke2..Ayg drive baik2 k.."

deshum..100 km/hr in campus..ahaha...wasnt thinking dear..
Pastu kat gate..since it is almost 1 pm..(giler aa nak uruskan semua..from 10.30 to almost 1.00 pm br leh settel..)

Nampak pakcik jaga misai tuh.." dah dapat pengecualian dah.."

Aku terus drive balik..
aku singgah at RnR Gng. Semanggol....utk isi minyak...(which my bro dah masukkan duit..alhamdulillah..thanks Bejam..)

Pas tuh..aku terus pecut balik...n my bf call me..he said that he is also going to my home..asks me my add..which i know he knows..ehehe..
masa tuh aku dah x nak layan dia sngt..( panic..n my focus is my sister n home jer..) that moments...itulah masa yg paling ditakuti oleh aku..

still remember his sms..
"Syg tunggu kat umah tau..jgn drive laju2 sngt.."

aku reply (sori..wpon tahu tgh sms masih wajib..nak tau new news...)
"eh..naper nak tunggu umah? g jer la kat spital tuh.."

then he reply..
"Aik..x kan kat spital lagi? Kan along dah x da? x bwk balik umah lagi ker? "

As i read that sms...i can feel that my hands is heartbeat became faster...
terus aku col dia..dah x da helo2 dah..
"mana tau? sapa bgtau? jgn main2? betul ke?" I was shouting in my car..shouting n crying..still my car speed was 160 km/hr...

"dah2..bawak kete tuh elok2...x da pe.." he said..

"Cakap betul2!!!...betul ker??? Cakap!! " i shouted at tears keep falling..i just cant bear it..

"Yer..syg col abah tadi...cakap kaklong dah x da..."
" kol 11 lebih tadi..Dah..jgn bwk laju2.."

Then after that..aku terus letak phone..x kata apa dah...just carik no phone Kak Husna..(she knows bout my sis..)
"Akak...kaklong dah x da...derang tipu org...kaklong dah x da.." as i cried...i just cant stop crying..
"Arfah kat mana nih?..dah2..berhenti2...berhenti tepi jalan tuh..bertenang..jagan bawak laju2..hati2.."
"ha..ha..oke.." then i disconnect it..

Aku menangis...sambil drive...rasa mcm nak bg hi beam kat sumer kenderaan yg ada jer..tepi2...aku nak cepat...

baru jer aku cakap dalam hati.."kaklong..bertahan..tunggu nomi..jgn pergi dulu.." n i was too late...

I drove as fast as i can..but i know i drive safely...since i manage to arrive safely at home..around 3.15 pm..
(around 1 pm - 3.15 pm back from penang to kl)

Friday, October 9, 2009

(Part 1) Innalillah utk Sofiahwati Mohamed Yusop...we will miss u every seconds..

As i am typing this crying...i still cant recover from it..

My lovely loved, funny, understanding, hardworking, kind sister has gone from this world.

She has been admitted to the hospital and diagnosed from cervical cancer on 1st June 2009..and has been gone through the chemo and radio treatments until 9th September starts from Pusrawi, to General Hospital and last was Subang Jaya Medical Centre.

Sofiahwati, kaklong saya yang sangat baik..yang sanggup berkorban utk kami sekeluarga..masih lagi muda untuk meninggalkan kami..she is only 32 years old..unmarried..

Alhamdulillah dia sakit x lama...bulan 6 sakit..awal bln 10 dah pergi..dalam 4 bulan jer..penderitaan yang sekejap..n kaklong pergi dengan tenang..mcm mak ngan abah cerita..

masih lagi teringat masa aku mengurut2 kaki kaklong...sambil kata nasihat kat dia..
"Kaklong kene kuat semangat..kaklong masih muda..byak lagi benda boleh buat..nomi nak kaklong sihat..kita jalan2..yang penting kaklong sihat, makan.." and now she's gone..

i still can see her smile..laughing..talking to's hard when u r not ready to accept that she is leaving..

Abah kata.." Kesian abah tgk kaklong tuh..kalo Allah nak ambik dia pun..ambillah..dr dia sakit mcm tuh..kita redha dan terima jelah.."

and...aku mesti akan membalas.."ishk..abah nih..kaklong akan sihat..panjang lagi umur kaklong tuh...kita doakan bagi dia sihat.."

and i still cant believe that she is gone..

masih ingat lagi..

pagi Rabu, 7 Oktober 2009..pukul 10.30 pagi..bejam col..
"Ada x mak tepon cakap apa2 kat nomi? "
"x dapun..aa..ada..bejam nak dtg butterworth minggu depan?"
"Bukan...hmm..kaklong dah nazak..mak suruh balik.."
"HAH???!! apa??? bila? sekarang? oke2!"
"Abah suruh amek nomi, tapi jauh sngt..nomi balik sendiri laa leh x?"
" bejam kene masukkan duit sket..x cukup nak balik..nomi mintak cuti skrg gak..oke"

hmm..i have no mood nak sambung..x leh tahan sedih....
lewat2 malam sambung balik...

missing her so much...